Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
