Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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