Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
