i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
