plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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