I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
