No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
