Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
