he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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