I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
