he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
