Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
should my penis look like a turkey
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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