Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
