I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
True college students do jello shots in the library
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
