I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
