Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
