the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
