haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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