I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
