She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So much Jack, so little girl.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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