seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
