rhymes with "ouble enetration"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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