I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
