he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
