Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
