You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
