kristin has been a bad kristin
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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