i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
