if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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