No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
