She announced her abortion via fbk
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
