what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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