I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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