so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
