He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
