Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She told me I should be a condom model.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
