Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
