her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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