Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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