Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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