just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
