Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
