I got chris browned last night
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
