remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
