So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
