Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
