His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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