called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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