He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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