Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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