Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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