Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
