It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She needs sedatives and a leash
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
