dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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