I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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