My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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